Why Children Love Their Old Teddy: Transitional Objects
It is nine o'clock at night and the whole family is turning the living room upside down. What has gone missing is not a set of keys or a wallet, but a faded teddy bear with one threadbare ear. There are a dozen brand-new toys on the shelf, yet your child will not look at any of them. Only that teddy will do.
If you have lived through an evening like this, you have probably wondered: why this old bear? Developmental psychology has an answer, and it begins with a talk given in London seventy-five years ago.
What is a transitional object?
On 30 May 1951, the British paediatrician Dr Donald Winnicott, then 55, stood before the British Psychoanalytical Society to present a topic that took many of his colleagues by surprise. Nearly thirty years of clinics at Paddington Green Children's Hospital had brought him face to face with countless mothers holding babies in their arms. He had not come to discuss the complex unconscious conflicts that fascinated psychoanalysts of the day, but something utterly ordinary: the frayed corner of a blanket a baby must hold to fall asleep, the faded teddy bear, the old scrap of cloth that no one in the family is allowed to wash.
Dr Winnicott called them transitional objects, and described them with a curious phrase: "the first not-me possession". The talk was published as a paper in 1953 and has since become a classic concept in developmental psychology.
Put simply, a transitional object is the first thing a child treats as truly "theirs", and turns to for comfort when their caregiver is not close by. To understand why it matters so much, we need to look at the world through a baby's eyes.
The teddy bear: a child's first bridge
Dr Winnicott believed that a baby does not need a perfect mother; a baby needs an ordinary, devoted mother, what he called the good-enough mother. In the first months of life, she responds to her baby almost immediately. Hungry, there is milk; cold, there are arms. And so the baby lives inside a comfortable illusion: the world works the way I want it to, and the breast appears because I wish it to. In his view, this illusion does no harm; it is the foundation on which a child comes to trust the world.
Gradually, the mother responds a little more slowly, a little less perfectly. According to Dr Winnicott, this is precisely her ultimate task: to disillusion the baby, little by little. But she can only succeed if she has first given the baby enough time inside the illusion. Through countless small moments of waiting, the child learns an uncomfortable truth: mother is a separate person, outside of me, who comes and goes.
The teddy bear appears exactly in that in-between space. It is not the child, yet the child has complete authority over it. Nor is it the mother, yet it carries her smell, her warmth, the feeling of all those hours of being held. With it, the child can travel from "mum is part of me" to "the world is outside me, and I'm still all right". The teddy is, in that sense, the first bridge in a child's life.
This is a theory Dr Winnicott drew from clinical observation, not from experiments. It took several decades before scientists brought his descriptions into the laboratory, and the results are fascinating.
Why won't my child let me wash the teddy, or swap it for a new one?
In his paper, Dr Winnicott set out the special qualities of the relationship between a child and a transitional object. Read today, they sound like a contract every parent has broken at some point. The child assumes rights over the object, and the adults quietly agree. It is cuddled lovingly, but also bitten, pulled and flung about; it must survive both love and rage. It must seem to give warmth and to have a texture of its own, as if it were alive. And, most important of all, it must never change, unless the child changes it.
That last clause explains why a single wash can cost a whole night of tears. The adult sees a grubby teddy that has finally been cleaned. The child sees a teddy that has lost its smell and the familiar feel of its ear: in other words, a different teddy altogether.
In 2008, psychologists Bruce Hood and Paul Bloom put this to the test with an ingenious experiment. They showed children aged three to six a "copying machine", in reality a conjuring trick, that could produce an identical duplicate of any object, and then offered to copy the child's most treasured possession. Of the 22 children with an attachment object, four flatly refused to let it go into the machine. Of the remaining 18, when asked whether they wanted to take home the original or the copy, only five chose the copy. With ordinary toys, by contrast, most children (13 out of 21) happily took the duplicate.
Asked why, the children offered no lengthy explanations. The answer was usually just: "Because it's mine." To a child, the teddy is not a product that can be exchanged for an identical one. It is an individual with a history, with all the nights the two of them have been through together.
My child has no comfort object. Should I worry?
At this point, many parents in Vietnam will ask the opposite question: my child has never been attached to any particular object, so is something wrong? The answer is no, and cross-cultural research explains why.
In 2003, researcher Mieko Hobara surveyed mothers of two- to four-year-olds in New York and Tokyo. Around six in ten American children had an attachment object (62%), compared with fewer than four in ten Japanese children (38%). One telling difference: Japanese children more often slept in the same bed or room as their mothers. Older surveys point the same way: roughly half of American children compared with about one in five Korean children, and around three in ten children in urban Italy compared with just one in twenty in the countryside.
The pattern is fairly clear: the closer a child is to their mother, day and night, the less they need a substitute. In Vietnam, where many families still share a bed with their children, a child's bridge is often not a teddy at all but the mother herself: a lock of her hair twirled before sleep, an old top that still smells of her, a hand that must be held before little eyes will close.
Genes play a part too. In 2014, a research team led by Fortuna at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem studied 1,122 pairs of three-year-old twins in Israel and found that around a third of the children had an attachment object. Differences between the children came almost half from genes and almost half from the shared family environment. More importantly, most studies have found no link between having, or not having, a transitional object and behavioural problems. A teddy is not a sign of an insecure child, and neither is its absence.
Not just mum: dads, grandparents and teachers can be a secure base too
If the bridge can be a person, that person need not be the mother. Dr Winnicott was writing in the 1950s, when the main caregiver was almost always assumed to be the mother. Today, "mother" in his theory is best understood as the primary caregiver: the person a child turns to first whenever they are frightened.
Children can be attached to several people at once. As early as 1964, researchers Schaffer and Emerson followed 60 babies in Glasgow through their first 18 months and found that most formed attachments to more than one person, including their fathers. In many Vietnamese families, that bridge might be a grandmother's hand, a grandfather's lullaby, or a father's voice reading a bedtime story.
And what about teachers? Pooling 40 studies covering nearly 2,900 children, psychologists Ahnert, Pinquart and Lamb (2006) found that children can form secure attachments to their carers at school, although these relationships are not stronger than, and do not replace, their bond with their parents. The analysis also revealed something worth pondering: in larger groups, what reassured children most was the way the teacher set the rhythm and kept the whole group's atmosphere warm, not only the attention each child received individually. The role of an early years teacher, then, is not to be a "second mother" but a secure base in the place a child comes to every day.
For perfectionist parents, Dr Winnicott's idea that a mother need not be perfect comes as a welcome relief. In 2020, psychologist Susan Woodhouse and colleagues published a study in Child Development on how mothers act as a secure base: soothing their baby when frightened, then letting them return to exploring. According to Lehigh University's summary, caregivers need to "get it right" only about half the time for a secure attachment to form. The study was carried out with low-income families, so the figure is best read as a pointer rather than a standard. But the message is clear: children do not need perfect parents; they need parents who are present.
A child with many trustworthy arms around them is a child with many bridges. And perhaps those bridges are never tested quite as much as on the first morning of school.
From home to school: carrying the bridge into the classroom
At HEI Schools Saigon Central, we understand the first day at preschool is one of the great early partings in a child's life. They step into an unfamiliar room, meet unfamiliar adults, and their parents are no longer right beside them. This is exactly when the bridge Dr Winnicott described has work to do.
In 1975, psychologists Passman and Weisberg brought children who were attached to their blankets into an unfamiliar room. With the blanket beside them, the children played and explored as comfortably as when their mother was in the room, and for longer than children given an object they were not attached to. In other words, the power of a transitional object lies not in the object itself but in the history a child shares with it. A teddy bought specially for the first day of school is unlikely to do what an old one has done for years.
The Israeli twin study noted another telling detail: children in full-day childcare were more likely to have an attachment object than those attending half days (roughly 36% versus 27%). The authors suggest that an attachment object may be one way young children cope with long hours away from home. This remains a hypothesis, but it hints that wanting to take a teddy to school is a form of self-care, not a sign that a child is "not ready".
Finnish early childhood education approaches this stage with similar care. Finland's National Core Curriculum for Early Childhood Education and Care (2022) treats the move from home into early childhood education as a phase to be planned and evaluated, with cooperation between staff and families guided by the best interests of the child. At HEI Schools Saigon Central, this thinking is reflected in our Smooth Start settling-in process: the aim is not for children to forget home, but to carry a sense of safety from home into school while they gradually build trust with their teachers.
Parents can help make that bridge sturdier in a few simple ways:
Choose the object your child is already attached to, rather than buying something new for the first day.
Tell the teacher about this "friend": its name, when your child usually needs it, and the signs that they need it now. At HEI, you can note these on the "This Is Me" form so the teacher can get to know your child from the very first week.
Agree with the teacher where the object will live in the classroom and when your child can have it, for example at nap time or when they feel sad. Using it less should follow your child's pace, not an adult timetable.
Label the object. If it is one of a kind and cannot be replaced, talk to the teacher about how to keep it safe.
If your child has no attachment object, a small item that carries a trace of home, such as one of mum's handkerchiefs or a family photo, may help. This comes from practice experience; it has not been measured in research.
Keep goodbyes short and consistent, and never slip away while your child is absorbed in play. Children need to trust that when their parents leave, they will come back.
One day, your child will put the teddy away in their cubby and run off to play with friends. That is when the bridge has done its work, and your child begins to step into a new land: the world of play.
From teddy bear to imagination
Watch a three-year-old playing with their teddy. Teddy is poorly and needs his medicine. Teddy is scared of the dark and needs a cuddle. Teddy doesn't want to go to school, and the child patiently coaxes him with exactly the words the teacher uses every morning.
Dr Winnicott called the place where this child is standing the intermediate area: half real, half imagined, both the child's own and part of the wider world. There, a child can safely rehearse the hard things in life: parting, fear, illness and being made well again. In Playing and Reality (1971), he wrote: "It is in playing and only in playing that the individual child or adult is able to be creative and to use the whole personality, and it is only in being creative that the individual discovers the self."
The psychologist Lev Vygotsky offered another famous image: in play, it is as though a child were "a head taller than himself". When a child soothes their teddy to sleep, they are doing for themselves what, in real life, they still need an adult's help with: calming a fear. Imaginary friends of this kind are also more common than many parents think. Research by psychologists Marjorie Taylor, Stephanie Carlson and colleagues (2004) found that around two in three children had had an imaginary companion by the age of seven, including teddies and dolls that a child gives a personality of their own.
This is also why Finnish education takes play so seriously. Finland's early childhood curriculum states that children have the right to play, to learn through play and to experience the joy of learning, and asks adults to understand the intrinsic value of play rather than treating it merely as a way of teaching something. HEI Schools Saigon Central's learning theme for the 2026–2027 school year, "From Our Roots to Imagination", follows exactly this journey. The teddy bear is a small but complete example: it begins at the roots, in the arms of the family, and leads a child into the world of imagination.
At home, parents can open that door very simply: ask your child "How is Teddy feeling today?", let Teddy "try out school" for a day, or make up stories together about what Teddy is afraid of and how he was brave. Through this safe friend, children practise naming their own feelings. And, as Dr Winnicott recognised, the land of play does not close its doors when children grow up.
Where does the bridge go when we grow up?
Dr Winnicott wrote beautifully about the fate of the transitional object. As the child grows, it is not forgotten and it is not mourned; it simply loses meaning, as if set aside in a kind of limbo. But the intermediate area it once occupied remains. In his view, that area spreads out across the whole of human cultural life: play, art, religion, all the things that are at once our own and part of the world.
Perhaps the teddy does not travel as far as we think. In February 2012, the hotel chain Travelodge surveyed around 6,000 British adults and found that more than one in three still slept with a teddy bear (35%); a quarter of the men admitted taking one with them on business trips. This was a company survey rather than scientific research, but it hints at something many adults quietly understand.
In adults, attachment objects take other forms too. In 2016, researchers in Hungary asked 142 young people aged 19 to 25 about their mobile phones. Almost everyone felt uneasy when separated from theirs, and those with an anxious attachment style in their relationships felt more stressed when they could not reach someone by phone. Calling the phone "the grown-up's teddy bear" may be stretching the comparison, but the feeling is strikingly similar.
And there is one kind of transitional object that almost all of us will have at some point: the belongings of someone who has died. A father's coat still hanging in the wardrobe, a mother's glasses resting on the family altar. Psychiatrist Vamik Volkan called these linking objects, and a study of bereaved parents (Wheeler, 1999) describes how many keep their child's belongings as a thread of connection. Perhaps that is the last bridge of all, linking us to someone who is no longer outside us, but only within.
What should parents do with their child's old teddy?
Back to that evening of turning the living room upside down: what can parents do to keep their child's bridge steady? The simple principles below all follow from what we have explored.
Wash or mend it only when you really must. If it has to be washed, tell your child beforehand, let them take part, and give it back as soon as you can.
Never secretly swap it for an identical one. Children can tell the difference, and most want to keep their very own. If you would like a spare, let your child use both in rotation from the start.
Don't force your child to give it up. A transitional object fades naturally when the child is ready. Taking it away too early is like pulling up the bridge while your child is still halfway across.
Let your child take it along when facing something new: the first day of school, a long journey, a stay in hospital.
Keep sleep safe. For babies under 12 months, keep soft toys, pillows and loose blankets out of the sleep space: the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends a clear sleep space for infants under one to reduce the risk of suffocation. For older children, check the teddy's eyes, buttons and seams from time to time.
No comfort object? Don't worry. For many children, the bridge is a parent's hand, a lock of mum's hair or the smell of dad's or grandma's clothes.
Know when to ask for advice. If the attachment comes with persistent anxiety that affects eating, sleeping, playing or making friends, or if your child suddenly regresses after a difficult event, talk to their teacher and your paediatrician.
The teddy bear is not the mother. It is the first proof that a child can be all right when mother is not right there. And one day, when your child no longer needs it, it will not be because they have stopped loving it, but because they have carried that bridge inside themselves.
If you are preparing your child for their first days at school, the team at HEI Schools Saigon Central would love to hear about your child's "little friend".
Frequently asked questions
What is a transitional object?
A transitional object is the first thing a child becomes attached to as "theirs", usually a teddy, the corner of a blanket or a piece of cloth. It helps children comfort themselves when they are apart from their caregiver. The concept was introduced in 1951 by the British paediatrician and psychoanalyst Dr Donald Winnicott.
When do children start getting attached to a teddy?
According to Dr Winnicott, transitional phenomena usually appear somewhere between 4 and 12 months of age. The timing varies widely, and not every child develops an attachment object.
My 5- or 6-year-old still sleeps with a teddy. Is that a problem?
Usually not. A transitional object fades naturally when a child is ready, and many adults still sleep with a teddy. It is only worth asking a teacher or doctor if the attachment comes with persistent anxiety that affects daily life.
Should my child take a teddy to preschool?
Usually yes, if it is something your child is already attached to. Children with their attachment object nearby explore unfamiliar settings more comfortably. Agree with the teacher where it will be kept, when it can be used, and how to reduce its use at your child's pace.
The teddy is dirty. Should I wash it?
You can wash it when hygiene requires, but tell your child first, let them take part, and return it quickly. Washing or replacing it in secret can leave a child feeling they have lost a familiar friend.
Can babies under one sleep with a teddy?
No. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends keeping the sleep space of babies under 12 months clear, with no soft toys, pillows or loose blankets, to reduce the risk of suffocation.
My child has no attachment object. Does that mean they feel insecure?
No. The proportion of children with a transitional object varies widely across cultures and is lower where children sleep close to their parents. Most studies find no link between having or not having a transitional object and behavioural problems.
Sources
Original theory
Winnicott, D. W. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena: A study of the first not-me possession. International Journal of Psycho-Analysis, 34, 89–97. Reprinted in Playing and Reality (1971), chapter 1.
Winnicott, D. W. (1971). Playing and Reality. London: Tavistock.
Winnicott, D. W. (1964). The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Harmondsworth: Penguin.
Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in Society. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.
Volkan, V. D. (1981). Linking Objects and Linking Phenomena. New York: International Universities Press.
Empirical studies
Hood, B. M. & Bloom, P. (2008). Children prefer certain individuals over perfect duplicates. Cognition, 106, 455–462.
Hobara, M. (2003). Prevalence of transitional objects in young children in Tokyo and New York. Infant Mental Health Journal.
Fortuna, K. et al. (2014). Attachment to inanimate objects and early childcare: A twin study. Frontiers in Psychology, 5:486.
Passman, R. H. & Weisberg, P. (1975). Mothers and blankets as agents for promoting play and exploration by young children in a novel environment. Developmental Psychology, 11(2), 170–177.
Hong, K. M. & Townes, B. D. (1976). Infants' attachment to inanimate objects: A cross-cultural study. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, 15, 49–61.
Gaddini, R. & Gaddini, E. (1970). Transitional objects and the process of individuation. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, 9, 347–365.
Schaffer, H. R. & Emerson, P. E. (1964). The development of social attachments in infancy. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 29(3).
Ahnert, L., Pinquart, M. & Lamb, M. E. (2006). Security of children's relationships with nonparental care providers: A meta-analysis. Child Development, 77(3), 664–679. Summary by HealthDay.
Woodhouse, S. S., Scott, J. R., Hepworth, A. D. & Cassidy, J. (2020). Secure base provision: A new approach to examining links between maternal caregiving and infant attachment. Child Development, 91(1). Summary by Lehigh University.
Taylor, M., Carlson, S. M. et al. (2004). The characteristics and correlates of fantasy in school-age children. Developmental Psychology, 40(6), 1173–1187. Summary by the University of Washington.
Konok, V. et al. (2016). Humans' attachment to their mobile phones and its relationship with interpersonal attachment style. Computers in Human Behavior, 61, 537–547. Summary by BPS Research Digest.
Wheeler, I. (1999). The role of linking objects in parental bereavement. Omega, 38(4), 289–296.
Official documents and surveys
Finnish National Agency for Education (2022). National Core Curriculum for Early Childhood Education and Care (Regulation OPH-700-2022).
American Academy of Pediatrics. A Parent's Guide to Safe Sleep. HealthyChildren.org.
Travelodge (February 2012). Survey of 6,000 British adults on teddy bears. Via DJS Research.
Comments